(I'm Just) Sucker for Pain
by Reiven
Summary: Chris's thoughts through the events of the series, more importantly, through the precarious, rough and tumble relationship he shared with Eva.


**Sucker for Pain**

Girls were all the same.

At least they were to Chris.

It was easy to tell what a girl wanted, right off the bat they wanted him. They either wanted a casual hook up or they wanted sex, but inevitably on a damp, dewy morning he'd find himself stumbling home, clothes wrinkled and smelling of sex and whatever cheap perfume the girl was wearing the night before, rubbing smudged lipstick from the sides of his face.

Every night was always the same.

Get drunk, get high, get a girl. Not necessarily in that order, but it was always the same three things.

The girls who pursued William all had delusions of finally being the one to tame him and make him settle down. The ones who were rejected, or the ones whose friends had dibs on William first came to him. They wanted sex or just to hook up or just to give him a blow job in some dirty back room of a club or in someone's musty closet. But it always ended the same. No one came seeking him out for anything more and he was fine with that. Get in and out with the maximum pleasure and the minimum bullshit, he was fine with that.

So when some girl walked up to him in the club that night when he was down there solo, none of his Penetrator bro's with him and he wasn't really looking for someone to hook up with, he said yes because—obviously it was a hot girl asking him to go with her to the back room. What self-respecting guy would turn that down?

But then it turned out that she didn't want anything.

More importantly, she didn't want _him_.

Was she blind? Or just stupid? She was definitely something unsettling and Chris couldn't stop thinking about her for the rest of the night. He blew off advances from girls who came up to him as he was heading out; sending them sour faced and huffing back the way they came, mumbling 'fucking asshole' under their breath, but he didn't care. Girls always said the same thing about him, and it kind of lost its kick after a while.

He couldn't stop thinking about the girl for the whole day after, even William noticed his subdued mood and asked, but it wasn't anything William or the guys needed to concern themselves with. Besides, as if Chris was going to tell them that he got rejected by some floozie at a cheap club? Hell fucking no.

But as the hours ticked on, Chris got less and less mad and more and more fascinated by this girl who he knew next to nothing about. Had she intentionally been sent there to reel him in, reject him and piss him off? And the two other girls there, the weepy blonde one and the other Chris—he liked her. It must have been a conspiracy of some sort. Maybe one of the guys set it up to humiliate him or something, it seemed like something Borkis or Erik would do. They could be a couple of insufferable assholes if they wanted to be.

But then Monday morning rolled by and after an entire night spent getting drunk and making out with lots of nameless, faceless girls, thoughts of that one girl and the club had all but slipped his mind.

Then all of a sudden she was right there, right in front of him in a yellow top and her long wavy hair cascading down past her shoulders looking absolutely gorgeous, and for a minute as he was walking up, he wasn't sure how to react.

He managed out a, "Halla" and noticed with satisfaction the way her eyes followed him as he passed.

A few minutes later, an Eva Mohn started following him on Instagram and went on a liking spree on all his pictures in no particular order. She was either actually blind, or she wanted his attention.

Well, if it was the latter than she definitely got it. He was officially intrigued.

Subsequent meetings only left him more and more interested. She didn't want him, that much was obvious, but at the same time, he could see how much she craved the attention, not his attention specifically but any sort of attention. Her whole face and her demeanour changed when he called her brainy and Chris wasn't sure whether to tick that down to score one for the home team or whether to be pissed at the guy who was obviously not giving her the attention she really wanted. He could tell from the get go that she had a boyfriend; girls who came to him for a good time who had boyfriends on the side they wanted to make jealous had that air about them, and it was unmistakable on Eva, except that Eva obviously wasn't looking for a good time and she didn't want him, which really left him in no better place than where he started. She definitely wanted something though, he could see that, but it wasn't something he could give her, that much was obvious.

Whatever it was, the guy who made her feel this way obviously didn't deserve her at all.

Speaking of deserved, somewhere along the way he'd made hooking up with Iben a regular thing. She kept using the words dating and boyfriend and somehow he just didn't feel the need to correct her. She was pretty and she was nice and she would have made anyone an agreeable girlfriend. He probably didn't deserve her either but she wanted him even outside of sex and it was nice to be wanted by someone other than William once in a while.

But then Eva kissed him and he kissed her back. Even more than that, he wanted her. In that moment at least, until she pulled away and Iben walked in and Chris kind of wished the ground would suddenly open up and swallow him whole.

It was awkward and unfair to Iben and he felt guilty about it and in his usual self-destructive mode, he reacted by making out with another girl at the very same party. But that's what everyone expected from him anyway right? Penetrator Chris. Fuckboy Chris. The guy who slept with anything that moved. It probably wasn't far from the truth but it didn't mean it stung any less, he'd just gotten used to pretending it didn't hurt. That's what he was best at, outside of kissing and sex and making a girl feel comfortable, he was the best kind of pretender. He could make anyone believe anything about him the way he wanted them to. It was a tried and tested skill and not even William was ever able to crack it.

The rest of the school year and the next just coasted by. He would pass Eva in the hallways at school and they would be courteous. She'd say _hi_ and he'd nod back an acknowledgement of her greeting. That continued for a few months. He hooked up with random girls and he could see Eva hooking up with random guys at parties, but somehow he was never able to keep his eyes off her even when he was making out with another girl in his arms, but he'd notice her staring back just as intently at him when she was kissing another guy too.

Occasionally their paths would cross outside of parties and they would continue being courteous. Eva would say _hi_ and he would nod back a _hello_ and they would continue on their merry way without looking back and without thinking of the turbulent history they shared.

But then one night, the Yakuza happened and William was off fuck knows where and it was just him, Borkis and Erik and the dude kept yelling 'where's William' and even if Chris knew he never would have fucking told and he was holding his own against a couple of them; out of the corner of his eye he could see Borkis being pushed to the ground and Erik jumping on top of the guy who was on top of him and all of a sudden he found himself on the ground, the back of his head smacking hard against the pavement and for a long second he could see nothing but stars. Then he could only see fists, a few of them coming straight at his face and into his side and after one punch to the solar plexus he couldn't take in enough oxygen to fill his lungs and everything turned black.

He didn't know how long he was out, but the next thing he noticed was Erik's worried face looking down at him; his eye black and blue and blood was dripping down his nose. And he was moving almost in slow motion, dipping in and out of Chris's focus, his mouth was moving but no sound was coming out; or rather, Chris was the one who couldn't hear the sound that was coming out of his mouth because he turned to say something to Borkis and the guy seemed to understand him just fine.

But then the next second William's face popped into his line of sight and Chris was sure he suffered some sort of brain injury because he was obviously hallucinating. But then not-William put his hand on Chris's hand and pulled his arm across his shoulders, pulling him into a sitting position. His face hurt and his head hurt and some asshole was smacking him across the cheek and he just wanted to punch the fucker out—if only his head would just stop spinning.

There were flashes of light and the sound of muffled conversation in the back of his mind and he felt himself being pulled to his feet—he could barely put one foot ahead of another, and he was already bracing himself to eat pavement but there were hands on him keeping him upright and the next moment he smelled the familiar leather scent and William's terrible car perfume and he could only watch the surroundings rushing past. Someone had a hand on his shoulder and kept saying words to him that he didn't understand and all that noise was making his head hurt and he just wanted everyone to shut the fuck up. But the voice sounded just like William's, so he let it be.

But then the nice calming darkness and the blurry buildings and landscapes zooming past all of a sudden morphed into the blinding brightness of white fluorescent lights and the smell of disinfectant and a flurry of people in green scrubs and white coats and convening on him like a mob.

It was very unnerving.

But William was there at his side throughout and Chris grasped onto that small bit of comfort.

Some bruised ribs, a busted face and a mild concussion. _Consider yourself lucky_ , the doctor had said, but if he really wanted to consider himself lucky he wouldn't have even been in that situation in the first place. His face hurt, his ribs hurt, his head hurt and William was hovering like a mother hen and Erik couldn't stop reaching over to grasp him on the shoulder and he just wanted everyone to stop acting so fucking sappy. He wasn't fucking dying.

William wanted to drive him home and he'd said fuck to that, he didn't need William mothering him or everyone hovering like he was some kind of invalid. That was one of the things he hated about getting hurt, he didn't like the spotlight it put him under, attracting everyone's worry and their unwanted concern. It was really annoying.

Halfway through the school day—because he'd been stupid enough to want to go there instead—it legitimately felt like he was dying, but there was no fucking way he was about to admit it to anyone especially not William. Watching the last two minutes ticking by until the end of school bell rang felt like ages and when it finally did strike four, it took all of Chris's will power not to let out a heavy sigh of relief.

He wanted to turn down William's offer to drive him home, but at that point his head was already pounding and he felt like he was about to faceplant at any time, so instead of that, he said fuck it and let William and his stupid concern drive him back to his place.

His mom and dad were off on holiday somewhere as they usually were, so it was just him, which was only well, their presence would have done little other than irritate the hell out of him and that was the last thing he wanted to have happen. He just wanted to get back, get in bed and bury his face in his pillow and if he was lucky, he'd smother himself in his sleep and save William the trouble. One thing he did know about William was that he was a persistent motherfucker, and finally after the seventh time Chris told him to piss off, he finally did, though Chris knew that he was probably sitting in his car outside like a stalker anyway.

He kind of regretted kicking William out after about ten minutes though, after the silence finally settled and the loneliness started gnawing at him. He found himself sitting in the living room watching the switched off TV watching _him_ and when the doorbell suddenly rang, shaking him out of his solemn reverie. He both cursed William and tried to quell the relieved feeling that was blossoming inside his stomach. It took him a few minutes of grunting and hobbling his way to the door before he swung it open without a thought, the playfully scathing words already at his tongue. "William, I told you to piss of—"

It wasn't William at the door.

It was Eva.

The words immediately died at his lips.

Eva looked startled for a minute, he could already tell how nervous she was, and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before she stuttered out, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"No, no," he said quickly, bring a hand up in front of him to stop her. "I just…I thought it was William coming back to annoy me again."

All of that proved to be too much excitement for him for one day and he all of a sudden found himself feeling light headed again. He didn't dare speak because the chances of him upchucking the cheese sandwich that William had forced on him at lunch all over Eva was very, very likely.

Eva could probably tell the way he leaned a bit too heavily against the doorframe before he lapsed into silence and quickly beckoned him back inside the apartment and over to the sofa.

There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, for starters, how did she know where he lived? Was she actually a stalker? How did she get there? _Why,_ most importantly. He thought he should have made it clear that he wasn't in any mood to hook up but he thought that might have actually earned him slap across the face, and rightfully so. Eva had never sought him out just for that in the past and it was unlikely that she'd start now.

As if she'd sensed his question, she immediately said, "I asked Noora to ask William where you lived," she said and continued as if he'd asked for clarification. "I probably should have called or messaged but…I guess I…hmm, I guess I just wanted to see for myself if you were okay."

It warmed Chris to the core to hear those words. She came just to see how he was, not because she wanted something from him. That was…truthfully, that was probably the first time it's ever happened to him.

"Well…thanks—I guess, for coming. Your company is much nicer than William's that's for sure."

Eva laughed at that and Chris couldn't help but smile.

She stayed the night.

They didn't sleep together; they wouldn't have been able to anyway because after downing all his painkillers Chris was thoroughly lost to the world for the rest of the night. He only knew that she'd stayed because he found her fixing up breakfast in the kitchen the next morning after he'd managed to drag himself out of bed—or rather, the sofa where he'd slept. He found himself covered with a blanket when he woke up even though he didn't remember pulling it over him before he went to sleep.

Something changed between them after that.

It wasn't anything apparent and they weren't doing any of that dating thing or anything like that. He still made out with girls and Eva still made out with guys (and a few girls) but the few times they ended up at a party together their eyes would always find each other from across the room.

There was something comforting in that, knowing that there was someone who wanted him just because they wanted _him_ , not because they wanted something from him, and he found himself wanting her more and more.

It was strange to see himself going from the person he was at the beginning of the school to the person he ended up being at the end of it. When the Russ was over and done with; he'd drunk everything he'd set out to drink and hooked up with all the girls (and some guys) he'd set out to hook up with, at the end of it all, there was only one person who stayed constant on his mind.

 _Eva_.

He wanted her and she wanted him, but the both of them were too afraid to do anything about it.

Instead she invited him to second year parties that graduates would seldom want to go to. Chris found himself at every single one. She invited him to pre-game parties with her girlfriends and he usually ended up being the only person there who wasn't a '98 or a '99-er. Chris went to every single one. He was pretty sure he never even heard the term _Kose party_ before the moment she invited him to one. He found himself at that one too. He doesn't think he's ever drunk anything that was that odd shade of purple and the worst eggnog he'd ever tasted in his life, but standing there next to Eva admiring the odd choice of decorations in the Christmas tree with a whole bunch of people he either didn't know well or didn't know at all, somehow, nothing had ever felt more perfect.

And then he enlisted and Eva saw him off before he left and he felt bittersweet at leaving behind perhaps the only thing that's ever felt good in his life—besides William, but William fucked off to London and left him behind already, so fuck him.

William leaving was actually one of the reasons why he decided to enlist, but mainly it was because he really didn't know what direction to go in his life and he needed a sort of reset button. The army offered that. It was bittersweet leaving Eva behind, but at the same time, he felt like he actually had something to look forward to coming home.

There was no doubt that he was attending Eva's birthday party the moment the invitation came, but _Eva_ didn't need to know that.

The look on her face was priceless and made the weeks of lies and trying to pretend that he wasn't coming all worth it in the end.

But then something happened. Maybe he got scared; maybe the both of them got scared. He wanted her and she wanted him, and he mustered up the courage to say it out loud but Eva remained afraid and maybe the deep rooted insecurity inside him, the same out that would go down in the autobiography of his life as the reason for his downfall, maybe it sunk its claw into him in the end and made him self-destruct the way he usually did. It was sad and it was pathetic and he felt so ashamed by what he did he couldn't look at Eva in the eye for days after that.

He left for the army without saying goodbye.

Eva didn't call or text him and he kept the communication line silent from his end as well.

It was the longest and hardest couple of months of his life.

At the end of it, it was a stupid training exercise that sent him home for good.

Some new recruit got scared going up a steep, rock strewn cliff side and when he propelled down to help him, the fool got their lines tangled and sent them crashing into the cliff face at maximum velocity and with zero protection. Chris was between the rocks and the recruit and got the brunt of the impact before they went down.

He only remembered feeling the impact and the agonizing pain that flared up in his entire left side. He remembered blacking out and coming to in complete agony before blacking out again. He remembered seeing the flashes of familiar faces looking down at him and saying things to him that he couldn't understand. He remembered hearing the sound of a helicopter hovering overhead and feeling the strange sensation of flying himself. But most of all he remembered the strange feeling of not being able to feel his entire left side at all.

He doesn't know how long he's out. He's lying in a crisp bed in a white room with an annoying beeping sound somewhere in his periphery. He wakes up looking at an unfamiliar white ceiling in a room that isn't his and a surrounding that smells strangely familiar. It takes him a few seconds to vaguely piece together what happened and to realize that he's in a hospital—again—and to realize that his entire arm is both painful and numb at the same time, which is a very strange sensation. He can't move his arm but after nearly panicking and feeling the painful jolt shooting through him when he tried, he realizes to his relief that he can still feel his fingers. He can't move them, but that was a secondary problem.

"Chris?"

He hears the voice calling his name and for a moment he wonders if he's still unconscious and dreaming.

It's William's voice and it sounds like it's coming from somewhere close as opposed to through the receiver of a phone.

"Hey, man."

He eventually manages to find the figure that all of a sudden appeared in the corner of his eyes, and it really is William.

"What happened?" he asks, at least he tries to. His voice comes out more of a croak and his throat all of a sudden feels dry and scratchy and he's hit by a feeling of overwhelming exhaustion that made just keeping his eyes open feel like a chore.

"There was an accident, during training. Do you remember?"

He shakes his head in a negative. He can barely keep his eyes open.

"You and one of the recruits hit the side of the cliff hard and you took the brunt of the impact," William explained. "You've been out for almost four days, man. We've been worried sick."

Chris wanted to ask 'we who?' but couldn't find his voice. Instead he just nods and hopes William takes it as a sign to continue.

"You shattered your collarbone—the doctor had do surgery to put in some metal plates and screws; four broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. It was a…rough few days, man."

Chris just closes his eyes and exhales once through his nose. It explained the non-feeling he had in his left side. That must have sucked and he's pretty glad he wasn't conscious for any of it.

"The guy?" he croaks out, hoping William would understand.

"He's fine. He broke a leg I think, but nothing that won't heal with a few months rest."

He doesn't open his eyes after that, feeling himself drifting off towards sleep after that, but just before he finds himself lost in the abyss, he hears William talking to a new voice that suddenly reaches his ears. It's a girl's voice and it sounds very familiar, but Chris can't place it. Eventually he doesn't remember anymore and William and the voice becomes a distant memory.

When he wakes up a second time he still can't find his bearings. Has it been a few hours? A few days? Nothing's changed in his immediate line of sight except…

Except…there's a figure curled up on the seat to his right, sleeping. Her forehead is resting on her knees pulled up to her chest and he can't see her face, but he'd recognize that head of strawberry blonde hair anywhere.

William is nowhere in sight and after deliberating over it for a few minutes; he reaches over with his right hand to brush the messy bangs out of the way and takes a few remaining strands in his hand, stroking it gently and twirling it around in his fingers. The act causes the person whose head the hair belongs to, to stir slightly, moving as if in slow motion, stretching out her limbs and bringing one hand to cover a wide yawn.

Chris doesn't move to relinquish the tresses in his hand but he doesn't say anything either until Eva finally finishes waking up, her gaze turning up to find his staring back into hers.

She smiles, and it's the most beautiful sight he's ever seen.

"Hey," she says and Chris reciprocates with a hoarse, "Hey," of his own.

He releases the hair in his hand and reaches with his right arm to wrap protectively around his ribs and his left arm strapped securely to his chest.

"You made us really worry, Chris," Eva says. "All your friends have been by this past week, even your army friends and your commanding officers. Everyone's been really concerned."

"Sorry," he says.

"You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't you fault," she says, pulling her chair closer to the bed and reaching out to hold his hand, not removing it from his chest but grasping it in her own, weaving her fingers through his and stroking his knuckles with her thumb comfortingly.

"No," he says, shaking his head slightly. "Sorry…for not saying goodbye…Sorry…for…for—everything."

Eva grasps his hand tighter in her own. "I'm sorry too," she says. "I'm sorry for Jonas. I'm sorry for brushing you off and calling you a fuckboy and pushing you away. I'm…I'm just sorry for…not being able to give you what you wanted then."

This time it's Chris turn to shake his head. "No," he starts, swallowing hard. Talking still wasn't easy, but he felt like he needed to get it all of his chest the best he could. "Maybe…we both weren't really ready."

"Maybe," Eva repeats, though her eyes are glistening. "You know…Emma came by too, a few days ago," she says, but she doesn't look angry and Chris ends up laughing. At least the closest he could get to laughing. It was painful and rough and it hurt like a son of a bitch, but it felt good.

"You didn't kill her?"

This time it's Eva who laughs. "No, I didn't. She's actually a sweet girl, she just needs to stop letting herself get dragged around by douchebags."

Chris mouths a taken-aback 'me?'

"Not you specifically but you included," Eva says and Chris grins.

They don't say a word after that. Chris can't keep his eyes off Eva and Eva can't stop staring right back.

"You really scared me, Chris. I thought—I really thought I was going to lose you, and it was the most scared I've ever been in my life."

Chris can't seem to say anything other than _sorry_. He wishes his mind were in a more coherent state for this conversation. He doesn't want to fuck everything up by saying something stupid, or by not saying what he needed to say.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I told you," Eva says. "I just mean—uh, I just meant that…I could only think about everything I should have said and everything I wanted to say, deep down, but was just too scared to. Regret is a terrible feeling, but that's what I felt the whole time since the moment I heard about your accident." A soft wistful smile comes across her face after that. "My mom asks about you a lot, by the way. She isn't home often, but whenever she is, or sometimes she even texts asking me about my quote unquote, _hot boyfriend_."

Chris laughs.

"I'm not your boyfriend," he says.

Eva returns his smile with her eyes sparkling when she says; "Yet."

Chris can't find anything to reply to that so he just stays silent thought the smile on his face is a constant.

Eventually William returns and Chris can see Noora walking into the frame, waving happily at him when she notices him looking.

"Hey, man," William greets when he enters, a wide smile on his face as he approaches, reaching over to pat him on the knee. Chris knows William's first instinct was to grasp him on the shoulder, but considering the state of his that he doesn't really even want to think about, he's glad William's mind bypassed that instinct.

He can only imagine how he looks. He doesn't even want to imagine the state his arm is in or how it even looks. If it looks half as bad as it feels then it must look pretty fucking terrible. He can feel bandages wrapped around his torso and some kind of contraption slash sling strapping his arm tight over his chest and reaching up towards his opposite shoulder. It's strapped tight, but not to the point of pain and the only thing he can move are his fingers (something he's eternally grateful for despite everything), which is something he definitely would _not_ be doing any time in the immediate future.

His stay in the hospital is long and boring. The only bright spot is the constant stream of visitors he gets in the form of his Penetrator friends, a few of Eva's friends, his army teammates and a handful of the officers—a few of them for official reasons instead of a social visit, since his arm was definitely messed up, he was getting an honourable discharge from the army. It wasn't a fact that particularly pleased him though, but he kept those thoughts to himself.

The only constant bright spot is Eva's unyielding presence by his side through it all.

And William, but—well, William was William, if he wasn't there that would have made him a pretty shit friend.

Noora's there more often than not and surprisingly one of his most frequent visitors is his name twin, the other Chris.

Even Eva's mom came when she was in town for the weekend and that visit left Chris feeling warm to the very core.

He's in the hospital for an additional two weeks before the doctor finally discharges him, with follow up visits and check-ups every other week for at least the next three months, and as much as Chris was looking forward to going home, he definitely wasn't looking forward to the stilted silence and loneliness that was awaiting him at his place. He knows William and the guys will be by more often than not and Eva would probably visit a lot, but it didn't chase away the dread he felt on the inside.

Everyone came on the day of his discharge from the hospital; all the guys and Isak and his friends and Eskild came with flowers and balloons that said _Happy Birthday Stacey_ (apparently they were all out of congratulatory balloons at the gift shop) and Chris doesn't think he's ever felt more touched.

His parents didn't come not once the entire time he was admitted, apparently they were in Bora Bora with no way to be contacted, or that's what William had told him. He didn't really care either way. He was going home and that's the only thing he cared about at the moment. He'd deal with the loneliness later.

Driving in a tiny car with a messed up shoulder and fucked up ribs was definitely not a pleasant experience. William could only apologize when he caught Chris wincing when he had to fold himself into the passenger's side seat after Noora and Eva had crawled in.

"We should have brought the Los Losers van," Noora had said, and Chris laughed despite the ache in his side. That would have been quite a sight to behold. They were all a bunch of Los Losers the lot of them anyway, William included. In fact, William was no doubt the biggest loser of them all.

The drive back to his apartment took perhaps a shorter time than it took for him to climb the one story staircase up to his door. He's sweating and huffing by the time he reaches the top landing but no one makes a comment which he's glad for.

There are bags waiting in his living room when he walks in, and none of them are his.

"They're mine," Eva says when she catches him obviously staring at them.

"Why? Are you moving somewhere?" he realizes that he probably sounds little dumb at the moment but he genuinely could not think of any reasons for Eva's bags to be in his apartment.

William and Noora were downstairs bringing up his things—or giving him Eva space to talk, which was the more likely option because he only had one small bag that definitely didn't need two people to haul up, but at least neither of them are around to see his dumb moment.

"No, dumbass," Eva says with an eye roll, looking at him like he's the most belligerent fool in all the land. "I'm staying with you for a while. At least until you're a bit better. I asked my mom and she said it was okay."

Still it takes him an additional few seconds to process her words. "Why?" he finds himself asking.

" _Why_?" she repeats derisively, "Because you're still hurt? Because you're not a hundred percent? Because I'm worried about you? Because I don't want you to get hurt again? Do I need to go on?"

Chris hmms for a moment. "Feel free to," he says and Eva just groans.

"You really are dumb, Chris," she says, but there's no bite to her words. "Maybe it's because I care about you and I don't want you to be alone. Maybe it's because I…maybe just a little bit because I…maybe…maybe it's because I realize that I love you, dumbass. It took me a while to finally come to terms with it, but I do. Maybe I always have but I just didn't realize it—I don't know. But whatever it is, I'm willing…I mean, if you want to…I'm willing to give this— _us_ , a try."

Chris is speechless for a long minute as he stares straight into her eyes, looking for—he doesn't even know what he's looking for. Hesitance? Lies? He isn't sure, but he doesn't find it. All he see's staring back at him is concern and sincerity and glistening clear tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.

"I was going to say that I've been ready for a long time, but that would have been a lie—" he sees the disappointment flashing across Eva's face and he's quick to add, "What I mean is, I thought I was ready then, but I wasn't. But...maybe, maybe I might be _now_. After everything that's happened and you being the one steadfast thing I had in my life, I just…I want you in my life, Eva; not just as a hook up or to make out with in a backroom at some dirty club, I want you…all the time. I don't think I could have gotten through these past couple of weeks without you," his mouth opens and closes wordlessly until he finally managed to get out, "I...I think I love you too." And he realizes that that's the first time he's ever heard those words pass by his own lips.

Eva reaches up to wipe at her tears as a small smile curls at her lips. But Chris is faster in his reaction, reaching out quickly to still her hand and using his own to wipe away the accumulated liquid trickling down the side of her face with the back of his finger.

Eva sniffles once and takes a step towards him and he circles his right arm around her shoulder and pulls her close into his uninjured side, resting his chin on the top of her head. Eva circles her own arms around his waist and rests her head on his shoulder, sniffling softly.

They stay in the embrace for a while, until they hear a knock at the door and William's disembodied voice calling out. "So can we come in now?"

Eva chuckles but doesn't move to relinquish her hold on him and Chris isn't particularly inclined to either so he yells back out. "No, piss off, William."

He thinks he hears William yelling back an affronted _fuck you_ and the sound of Noora laughing in the background, Chris grins but he isn't overly concerned, William will be fine. The only thing that matters in that moment is the gorgeous girl in his arms and the way it felt like despite the accident, maybe even _because_ of the accident, it felt like his life was finally turning out well and for the first time he was truly excited to see what the future would bring.

 **The end.**


End file.
